Romance with Life

Life is hard but not without happiness. Me, I find simple joys in life from my family to what I eat or just simply breathing fresh air.

Over a year of becoming a mother, my life changed completely. There are polar opposites of emotions. I find contentment and solace when I see my daughter’s smile. She is priceless, motherhood is priceless. It is forever in a lifetime and beyond but there will never always be enough time, enough tears or enough love.

I always cherish these moments. She is growing up so fast but if I can, I would like to extend these moment because she needs me and she will cry for me a lot. A thing that won’t last for long because everyone will eventually grow up.  One of my purpose in life is being needed by her. And it makes me feel accomplished as a mother.

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I also enjoy the fact that I have a little human to go on dates with. It is so funny how she reacts when I give her a seat and let her pick her food. I plan to do these more often because I want her to live by the thought that she is important. I am toiling for her future but money will never equal the time that you spend with your family. It will never turn back time nor will it replace the feeling of hurt or neglect or worse the feeling of being unloved.

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A little sweet and cheeky moments with my husband without my daughter is a relief. Having our daughter around is lovely but we do need our time together to reconnect. He is as important as my daughter and he must know that. I am a wife and as much as I want to drown in other priorities, my husband will always come on top. A good wife must take good care of her husband. It is has been known.

Today many couples separate because compromise and sacrifice is slowly growing extinct. Many are susceptible to that because life is becoming fast-paced, commercialized and monopolized by truth benders. Us, we are praying hard and working hard on our marriage.

What I missed is some me time and I cherish every moment of it. I used to “date” myself a lot and eat alone. I truly enjoy having to think and eat and read alone. And I especially enjoy now that Iligan has highly improved gastronomic feats.

Enjoying yourself is a key to self-preservation. Your life maybe tied to so many things including your family but it does not need to be dependent of those. Your outlook will change once you adjust to prioritizing yourself (not in a selfish way). Living life means you have to live yours where you potential is fulfilled and you are fulfilled yourself.

Rediscovering my love for reading novels has been a breath of fresh. I am once again transported to other realms. Happiness in the pages of a book is always a classic for me. These intricate words inscribed your heart forever, fueling your imagination and working your brain out just to live in that pages that will forever haunt you. You know your heart is set when the pages are calling you. Read. It makes so much difference.

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I have rediscovered so many things that I love before. Pampering myself with yoga or rediscovering my love for make-up or being overjoyed with little accomplishment in writing journals makes me a little overwhelmed with happiness. So much has changed in my life but I discover that some of the simplest things that makes me happy before still makes me happy now. And I am so blessed because apart from the old ones new sources of happiness has also come.

Knowing this gets me going and makes me feel contented. Extravagance will give temporary satisfaction but the root that keeps you grounded, sane and full is the one that will give the romance of living.

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Why I Choose a Simple Wedding Gown

June is coming and the wedding season is on. I am sure June brides are already excited and there is nothing more satisfying than getting your dream gown done.

Each bride is unique but we all have one  thing in common, we want to look beautiful in our wedding gown. You should, it is your day.

On my wedding, I wanted to go with a simple and elegant design with emphasis on comfort. I looked at some designs at the internet and eventually found one that suit me. I had my seamstress made it.

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In choosing my gown, I kept the folloing in mind

1. I am pregnant at that time and being pregnant means your body temperature is much higher than your non-gravid body. And I live in the tropics where it id warm almost all year round. The church that I was wed in has no air conditioning. So I will need a breezy gown. (To note: I will still choose comfort even if I am not)

Continue reading Why I Choose a Simple Wedding Gown

A Dedication to my Daughter on Mother’s Day

Dearest Beautiful,

Please know that your are one of the greatest blessing that I have received. And everything that I do, I do it for you and your father. You may not understand everything now and I will make mistakes along the way, but please know that I love you.

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My child, I am so thankful to the Almighty because He gave me you. I wouldn’t change anything about you nor will I ever change the way I conceived, I delivered and I took care of you from day 0 up to now.

Thank you because you are you. Your uniqueness and qualities that is quite familiar to me and your father makes us so happy. Thank you because everything about you is filled with the radiant sunshine of God’s beautiful glory.

I will go through every sweat, tear, pain and all the hardships for you. Everyone can promise you the moon and back, but no one will ever want to sacrifice and go through hell to bring you that except your father and I. We will do everything in our power to keep you safe, happy, loved and best of all godly.DSC_2960

I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world. Have a good heart always and grow in God’s teachings.  I wouldn’t care about soaring grades, pageantries or any other worldly achievements, because, my beautiful child you are more than enough. Even at your ugliest, you will always be enough.

I will always be there for you. I will fight your fight. I will listen to you. I will come to you in a heartbeat because your more important than anything in this world.

My love, I love you so much with a never ending loop.

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Nanay

 

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 Photos by Ravie Wong

On the 3rd with Marley

I was short prepared of becoming a mother because I had to get my precious girl out early for pregnancy complication. The first two weeks was one of the most devastating experience of my early motherhood as my daughter had to fight for her life due to sepsis. It was heartbreaking with the thought of the uncertainty of my daughter’s life. Everything was just blur but we are very thankful that God gave us another chance.

As soon as my daughter was home, taking care of her hands on was very, how do say this, ambivalent. It has its joys and pain, laughter and tears and everything else in between but life is getting better in terms of my happiness and my wholeness as a person.

On the first month, my beautiful girl was very different from other full term babies. She was very small, hairy and some other people are afraid to look at her but to me she was the most beautiful thing. Sometimes reality sinks in when I choose outfits for her but the clothes doesn’t fit. I get insecure honestly and there is the guilt because of my complications. But this was one has been the easiest month because she sleeps all the way. She wakes up only when she wants milk.

The second and third did not sit well on me and my husband. So far those months has been very tiring because we are beginning to put her on a schedule. And I think that because she can’t see clearly in the first few weeks she gets frustrated a lot. She cries a lot and demands to be held very often. Our presences is a must. Two months of sleep deprivation and angst made us buy unnecessary things that she doesn’t even use now. It got a little bit better though when she was able to see us properly but the next months, that’s another story.

Here are my mommy input and the things I learned on the first 3 months:

  • Invest in clothes that have ranges e.g. 0-3 months rather than one-sized outfits because they grow very rapidly.
  • Invest in things that can be used long term such as a good crib, bouncer, all-in-one stroller and car seats but good crib and stroller will do.
  • Rather than thinking of buying cheap diapers and ending up changing it every 2 hours invests in good quality diapers that your baby can use 4-6 hours without compromising your baby’s skin
  • Stock on baby wipes and the most gentle you can find. Baby’s skin are very sensitive.
  • BREASTFEED, BREASTFEED and BREASTFEED. Not only that it is good for your baby, you can save a lot of money. Trust me, I wanted to breastfeed but unfortunately she just stopped on her third month.
  • Have your baby immunized. It gives you peace of mind from all kinds of diseases.

My Journey to Motherhood

For the last 2-3 years I have suffered from a very bad case of hormonal imbalance. My menstruation became abnormal that my husband and I have been fearing the possibility of us unable to bear a child. We sought treatments after treatment until I came across my present OBGyne who saved us.

I just finished my three-month treatment which was absolutely fine but after the treatment my menstruation didn’t come. I thought it had failed again but after seven weeks I took a pregnancy test and everything became a miracle.

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First Trimester

I think every first trimester is not easy. I was really sick, I had asthma, I had pneumonia, I had urinary tract infection and I had otitis media. I have been heavily medicated during that course of my pregnancy. I was also so emotionally ballistic. My mood was the one that transitioned drastically. I was crying, shouting, became hot-headed. I was basically a mess which was especially heightened because my husband and I was planning our wedding.

One good thing that happened during that time though was not having morning sickness. My food preferences didn’t became so weird I just didn’t like some food especially milk which is a ‘meh’ because I need it for the pregnancy obviously.

Second Trimester

The second trimester was exciting for us especially for me because it felt lighter. I genuinely liked being pregnant at that time. It was like being pregnant but not. My bump was showing and it was looking good. I was fashionable and happy at that point of my pregnancy. I had so much energy that I am beginning to think that this pregnancy is going to be easy.

The most wonderful part at this point was our wedding and our gender reveal. We were stressed as hell but as happy as we could be and happier when we found out that our baby is a girl. Our precious little girl was growing inside me and I am beginning to feel her kicks. Marlicia Hope, will be out soon.

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Third Trimester

At the beginning of the third trimester, I felt so exhausted and my daughter’s kicks became very uncomfortable especially when she is hitting some bony parts. I was so swollen that people begin to think that I am already due on the next day. It was truly a stretch for me to go out and get out of bed.

The whole week of 33rd and 34th week, I began to feel sick again. I had colds that won’t go away. My nose was so congested and I frequently had headaches. My husband began to notice that my diastolic blood pressure went up from 70-80 mmhg to 90 mmhg. On the 23rd of March, while working, I began to feel dizzy. My blood pressure shoot to 140/100 to 150/100 which was temporarily controlled by medication. I went to my doctor the following day and was subsequently admitted for preeclampsia.

I was admitted for two days and was released because my blood pressure was controlled. I was advised for a month’s bed rest. I obliged but on the 28th my blood pressure rose up again. The anxiety that I may deliver my baby prematurely did not help my situation. The following day, I was vomiting and I was so dizzy that my doctor decided to have me under C-section. I was hopeful that she will be okay but at the same time I was afraid that I blamed myself for my situation and any bad situation that my child will be in.

On the 29th of March 4:59 PM, my beautiful baby girl was born, crying and was apparently healthy. I was so happy to hear her strong cries, to see her beautiful face, to hold her, to see her breathing, to feel the warmth of her small breaths and to hold her small hands. My beautiful baby has come.

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Six hours from delivery, we received news that our baby had pneumonia and that she has to be hooked to an IV, oxygen supplementation and receive medications. For a week our baby had fought a tremendous fight, the fight to live. We were heartbroken, angry, afraid and distraught with what she is going thru. Seeing her body with all this horrendous tubes, all the medications, all the small cries for help and how her little body so beaten, breathing so fast, so hungry, so afraid and upset of everything she has gone thru. I was still recovering but I was not minding all my pain because I have to be with my little girl.

It is true that faith will get you thru the toughest part. After a week, she was healed. No hooks, no tubes and no more pain. It was a miracle. I couldn’t wait to go to the nursery and hold her for hours, kiss her, sing to her and feed her. My life turned a 360 spin. I wasn’t ready, motherhood didn’t came with a manual but it came with one thing and it is overwhelming love that on March 30, 2015 at 3:37 pm I wrote:

To my beautiful daughter Marlicia Hope,

I was so scared that you’d come out before your expected but now that I see you I have nothing but pure happiness. Seeing your small face, tiny hands and feet, seeing your every breath and feeling your heartbeat made me so madly in love which I never thought would happen to me. In an instant you swept me off my feet.

Baby girl, my little princess, I will be with you in every fight. I will always love you when no one else will. My baby keep up the fight. Grow healthy, happy and full of love. I am not perfect but I will try to be th best mother I can be to you.

My love, may God shower you with blessings. May God protect you and cover you with His blood and Holy Spirit. I love you so much baby girl.

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Getting Hitched

Do you ever have that situation wherein your life seems to fall into place without you doing anything or you just did something so little? My husband and I met that way. I was a medical clerk and he was an emergency room nurse. It started as a teasing which later turned into our first date, into constant communication, into our first kiss and into making it official. 10929071_10204982121245552_2315396710864234847_n I’ve never met someone so opposite yet so compatible with me. So opposite and so alike, that is what we are. There was not a room for pretense except for all my hormonal-induced drama which I guess made our relationship became a bit stronger. We amazingly made it despite the fact that we all have big personalities on our own.

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I am genuinely in awe to the kind of love that we have. We make so many mistakes and had so many fights that we have grown and learned what we meant for each other. I appreciate him so much that in my moodiness, he manages to make me laugh especially during my not-so-cute fumes. I think I can grow old laughing with him.

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And because we had so many happy yet bumpy rides, we naturally wanted to get married. We don’t really have a romantic proposal nor any dramatics on the background. We just agreed to.

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Our wedding was really simple and solemn with my 20-weeks baby bump slightly showing. We want nothing so grand, we just want our loved ones to be happy with us on a very a wonderful little church and a very comfortable venue. We shared our love in our own unique way. 10320354_10204982210687788_7891910349617246873_n 1797344_10204982205127649_8739594621047128235_n 10690138_10204982429213251_1807255582189984051_n We never said our vows since our church has rules on personal vows but let my vows go mainstream. “To my dear husband, I don’t know how God and the universe brought us together. Both so opposite and both alike. Magical can’t even begin to describe how we started. I won’t use anymore flowery words except thank you. I can’t thank you enough for making me happy through the years. And I have a never ending gratitude to God because he gave me someone I really needed, really wanted, who I am able to forgive over and over again, who I am able to take care and able to grow old with. No fancy words just you and me and our little angel to have and to hold with God as our center…”

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Photography courtesy of Ravie Wong

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Videography courtesy of Tibo Martinez

Treasuring Friendships

I have had lots of acquaintances but I only have a few friends. We are not complete anymore but my friendship with them remain despite the distance, despite the change in lifestyle and despite all the circumstances. I am blessed to have good friends who never lead me to stray and values me in my hermit moments. And because of these people, I defined friendship in a different way, not by frequency but by the constancy of your few and memorable moments together.

I got to spend a little more time with a few of my girlfriends Lovette and Emerald in one an overlooking restaurant. This is fresh and amazing time. And I noticed that our conversation has been always the same. We do things the same although with much lesser time and it was really fun. It was just like the old times.

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